Professor Cassandra

You may recognize a lot of these characters from the Harry Potter series, but they're a bit different in my fanfics. OK, a LOT different! I write them out of character to add to the humor of my stories. Here you can meet all these characters, along with some original characters, as they are in Professor Cassandra's Humorous Fantasy World of Humor and Fantasy and World-Like Stuff! (and don't you dare steal that name from me; it took me all night to think it up! ) Also, I'll be posting pics of the characters from the movies if available, and next to those will be some very badly drawn cartoons of them. You may laugh at me if you want.

Ever thought of Lord Voldemort as a "steamy hunk of man candy?" Well, Bellatrix has. In fact, that's pretty much all she ever thinks about. When she's not in marriage counseling with her husband Rodolphus, she likes to admire her beloved Lord...from afar...with binoculars. Her hobbies include stalking Voldemort, looking at Voldemort, thinking about Voldemort, conversing with the many voices she hears in her head, and torturing Rodolphus. She also has frequent mood swings...REALLY frequent. And severe. Good times....

Snape...Snape...Severus Snape! Sorry, I couldn't resist! XD Snape hates that, by the way, along with just about everything else. He is what we Muggles like to call "emo." He never smiles, he always speaks in a monotone, and he always has something sarcastic to say. He despises Lord Voldemort and all of his fellow Death Eaters, but as a spy he must keep up appearances around them. But that doesn't mean he has to like it. Perhaps the one thing he hates more than anything else is country music, due to an "unpleasant experience back in the 80's" that he prefers not to discuss.

Wormtail is basically Voldemort's #1 lacky, and the least acknowledged of all the Death Eaters. He lives only to serve his master, and is incredibly timid and cowardly. However, he can occasionally be "awesome," such as the time he pepper sprayed a cashier at Target, allowing Voldemort, Bellatrix, and himself to make a quick getaway with their shoplifted goods. He knows never to expect much recognition, though, no matter what he does. His favorite catchphrase is "Yes, Master."

Lucius is a very rich man, and as such he must look the part. It really doesn't take that much effort.... All he has to do is wash his hair twice a day, using shampoo and conditioner, then apply an after-conditioner conditioner, towel dry it (can't deprive those luscious locks of moisture by blow drying them!), comb it (fifty strokes, no more, no less), style it perfectly, and spray it all over with hairspray. His gigantic home, Malfoy Manor, serves as meeting place for the Death Eaters...not to mention PARTY CENTRAL! His hobbies include smirking, picking on Snape, getting his hair done, and smacking people with his pimp cane. So basically, the dude has it made. The only thing he has to worry about is his son Draco, whom he really needs to have a talk with. 

Narcissa spends most of her time worrying about her son Draco. She's overprotective of him and treats him like a baby (which is probably why he acts like one). She could be defined as a "soccer mom," and she almost never takes risks. However, she does regret not having fun...occasionally. She's also rather conceited, but not so much as her husband Lucius. In fact, she eventually grew tired of waiting for him to get ready in the morning, so she made him use a different bathroom. Narcissa's hobbies include nagging her husband, nagging her son, nagging her sister Bellatrix, nagging just about everyone else, and baking cookies.

Seventeen-year-old Draco is a bit naive...and totally FABULOUS! He likes unicorns, rainbows, bunnies, ponies, and ROLLER DISCO! And he absolutely loves to exercise with his favorite workout tape: Sweatin' to the Oldies with Richard Simmons! Although his parents worry about him, they're actually part of the problem; Lucius spends hours on his hair alone and Narcissa babies Draco. His favorite treat? Heart-shaped sugar cookies with pink frosting.