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Twitter Convo with DrkLrdVolders, bellatrixcrucio, and Professor_Snape

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:19:00 -0400

Yes, I know I never update this blog, but I just had to post this. See, I made this fake Twitter account for Lord Voldemort (@DrkLrdVolders), only he's REALLY out of character and funny. So I logged on yesterday and started chatting with "Bellatrix" (@bellatrixcrucio) and "Snape" (@Professor_Snape) and we just made up this whole story...it's really hilarious. I think I have got most of it saved. Enjoy! (btw, my actual Twitter is @FlamingPoptart)

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVoldersMy Lord... I got you a taco and a drink... I thought you might have wanted it... *watches as he eats and drinks*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio ........Bella, is there something in this?

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders No, my Lord! Of course not! What would make you think that? *waits with baited breath*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio ............Why are you waiting with baited breath then?

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders I am terrified you choke on the taco my Lord *smiles*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio Oh, no worries. I am quite experienced in the field of tacos. *takes a big bite and almost chokes* I'm alright....

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*smiles* Good, my Lord, I am glad... now, just be careful!

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio *finishes taco and Coke* That was so good. Wait...I feel weird... *happens to look in mirror*OMG I'm in love with ME....

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*gasps* WHAT?! No, no, my Lord! *runs to him and turns him to face her* Damn, that wasn't supposed to happen!

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio Go away, Bella, I've got a hot date with ME tonight... *sings* And IIIIIIII will always loooooveeee meeeeeeeee....

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*disapparates to other room and throws herself on bed, in floods of tears*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio *sings* Have I tooooooold...ME lately...that I love MEEEEE...

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio *can be heard from the other room* Oh, me, you're just so awesome! Come on, I know a great pizza place. Take my hand, me...

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVoldersMy Lord... I am going to tell you something you may not have heard before.*takes deep breath* SHUT UP! *panics* Oops...

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio *doped up on lovepotion* Oh, hi, Bellaaaaaaa....Have you met meeeeeeee? He's really fantastic....Hehehehehehe....

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders I know he is... *cries even more* I know.

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*chokes back tears and wipes eyes* What a bloody idiot! Look at him... I just hope he doesn't see @_harrypotter_ when hes out!

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio I know, isn't it fantastic? That's nice of you to cry because you're so happy for me and me.

DrkLrdVoldersI am my sunshine, my only sunshine, I make me happyyyyyyy when skys are gray...I'll never know, dear, how much I love meeeeeee....

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*breathes deeply* My Lord... I really didn't want to have to do this...*points wand* Petrificus Totalus! Oops...

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio *freezes in the middle of giving self a big ol' hug*

bellatrixcrucio@Professor_Snape*cries* Oh, Severus! I gave him the love potion, but he looked in a mirror before he looked at me! Anything you can do?!

Professor_Snape@bellatrixcrucio *sighs and shakes head* Yes, one moment... *brews up a quick antidote and hands it to Bella* Give him this.

bellatrixcrucio*rearranges @DrkLrdVolders around herself and takes out wand* Phew.. okay... We'll see how this goes...Finite Incantatem!

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio *unfreezes* I am my sunshine, my only........WHAT THE CRAP???

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*quickly feeds him antidote, then remainder of love potion, while conjuring pictures of herself onto every reflective surface*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucioOMGOMGOMGWHATTHECRAPWHATTHECRAPWHATTHE..... Oh, hello there. ^_^

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*smiles in relief* Hello, my Lord...

Professor_Snape@bellatrixcrucio That is the last time I ever allow you to get a hold of a love potion...making the Dark Lord fall in love with himself...

bellatrixcrucio@Professor_Snape*looks embarrassed* Sorry, Severus. I think it went alright this time...*smiles*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio You are AWESOME.:D

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*nearly cries with joy* Really? Thank you my Lord! You are too... *bats eyelashes*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio SHUT UP AND LET'SGO TO STARBUCKS, BABY! :D

bellatrixcrucio*giggles, kisses @DrkLrdVolders, and takes hand as they apparate together to the land of caffieney goodness*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio And they all lived happily ever after...until the blasted potion wore off. :D

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVoldersNot even thinking about that right now, my Lord, I can worry about it later *smiles and sips caramel cream frappucino*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio*gulps mocha frap* HYPER HYPER SUGAR IN LOVE HYPER IN LOVE SUGAR LOVE POTION SUGAR HYPER!

Professor_Snape@bellatrixcrucio Of course...it will be your burden to carry once the potion wears off and he finds out.

bellatrixcrucio@Professor_Snape*smiles* Never mind that just now, Severus! I can worry about it later... For now I am just going to enjoyyyyy the moment!

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*links arm* Me too love. Me too. *smiles*

bellatrixcrucio@Professor_Snape I'll make sure he doesn't remember a thing... and make sure that I do!

Professor_Snape@bellatrixcrucioAnd I thought you were one of his most trusted followers...

bellatrixcrucio@Professor_Snape*angrily* I am, Severus! He can't love! So i'm just helping him realise what he would really want!

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio What was that you were telling Snape, Bella dear? Oh never mind, it doesn't matter. *orders another frap and downs it*

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*giggles* You are just so funny! *snuggles into him and downs a latte*

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio Know what's great about coffee, Bella? It makes me hyper! I like being hyper, don't you, Bella? HYPER HYPER HYPER!

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders*giggles* I love it, my Lord!

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucioHYPER HYPER IN LOVE SUGAR HYPER POTION LOVE HYPER SUGAR RUSH HYPER HYPER...Wait...where the crap am I???

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio .......Bella? What the crap....?

DrkLrdVolders@bellatrixcrucio OHHHHHH DANG. How did I get here? Why are you so....ew...close? OMG WHAT DID YOU DO?

bellatrixcrucio@DrkLrdVolders Nothing my Lord. You were just super hyper on caffeine. You know what you're like! *looks innocent*

bellatrixcrucioOOC: Damn, I really have to go! Tonight was hilarious,t hank you all, espec. @DrkLrdVolders and @Professor_Snape! Until omorrow! *waves* xx

DrkLrdVolders.........Not really sure what the crap has been going on,but it's time for Wormtail to read me my bedtime story now. Bye, all!

FlamingPoptart@bellatrixcrucio Great improv! That was so hilarious! *high five*

FlamingPoptart@Professor_Snape Great improv! That was so hilarious! *high five*

bellatrixcrucio@FlamingPoptart Thank you! *high fives back*

Professor_Snape@FlamingPoptart OOC: Why thank you.=) Glad you enjoyed it.

My Midnight Release Story--The Twilight DVD

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 22:03:00 -0400

The night had finally arrived, and excitement was thick in the air as we approached the entrance to the Borders bookstore. It was only 9:30, and already the place was crowded.

“Smile!” said my mom, holding up her camera.

We all lined up, too cheerful to be embarrassed, as she took our picture together; it was me, my friends Lori and Salem, my cousin Rae, and Salem’s mom. Lori and I already had our own cameras at the ready.

The bookstore was humongous. We were all itching to have a look around, but first we had to wait in line; they were handing out colored tickets for the DVDs, as they were in limited stock. Employees came by us handing out candy; we were going to need the sugar tonight.

“He was checking me out,” joked my mom when one man offered us chocolates.

We all burst out laughing. “Woah,” chuckled Lori, “you’ve already got Sirius Black and George Clooney—isn’t that enough?”

“You don’t know my mom,” I said, and we all laughed again.

Soon a lady came by handing out sheets of paper; one Twilight movie awards ballot and one scavenger hunt list for everyone. We had already printed out our own ballots, so we just took the lists and read them over. Apparently we had to find certain books relating to Twilight in some way or another, and write down the title and the author. We could already fill in quite a few of the blanks without even looking, such as “Go to the DVD section and find a movie that one of the Twilight cast members was in.” Duh, Goblet of Fire!

I was scribbling on my sheet when someone spoke over the loudspeaker, “Robert Pattinson to the front desk!” Everyone laughed, because he was obviously joking. Like Rob Pattinson would really show his face in Nowheresville. Upon confirming that it was indeed a joke, the announcer informed us that the tickets would soon be handed out, and it wasn’t long before the line was moving.

Of our group, only Salem’s mom and I ended up getting tickets, as everyone else had decided to buy different versions of the DVD. Lori and Salem then went off looking for manga while Rae and I got started on the scavenger hunt. Half the fun was in exploring and learning our way around the huge store. Books as far as the eye could see…needless to say we were in heaven.

We had filled out about half the blanks on our sheet of paper when there came an announcement that they were starting the trivia competition, and that anyone wanting to participate should come to the café area. The announcer also said that a stunt double from the movie was there, although I didn’t catch whose double it was; with all the noise it was near impossible even to hear the announcements at all. Only Rae and I played; Lori and Salem were both content with their manga. Party poopers….

We arrived at the café to find a huge crowd already there. A DJ from a local radio station was there, standing in front of a table lined with free beaded necklaces and compact mirrors with the name of his station on them. Sitting behind the table was a young guy who had to be the stunt double; he had a kind of haughty look about him and he seemed somewhat bored. On the right side of the table was a box for the ballots. Rae and I put ours in and took our place again in the crowd.

The DJ got up on a chair and told everyone in the café to split into two groups: Team Edward and Team Jacob. Rae and I went to the right, both being Edward fans. We started with movie vs. book trivia—if what he read out happened in the movie, you had to yell “Movie!” as quickly as possible; same for the book. We did movie trivia and a cite-the-quote game afterward. Then he announced the winners of the movie awards and began to draw ballots out of the box—ten lucky people were to win a movie still if their names were drawn. He drew many more than ten names, though; I doubt everyone in the store could hear the announcements, and when they didn’t come for their prize he had to draw again. My cell phone was at the ready in case one of our friends won, but none of our company did.

We all dispersed after that, but Rae and I barely had time to complete the scavenger hunt before we were called back to the café for a costume contest. Only I went to this one, though. I stood by the Twilight merchandise, feeling completely awkward with no one to talk to; but they were to start the contest any moment now, and I wanted to film it, so I couldn’t leave. People were laughing and talking all around me as I scanned the crowd, trying to figure out who was entering.

I glanced toward the table; Stunt Double Guy was looking right at me.

Woah…what?! No…why would he? Did he think I was weird or something? I quickly glanced down at the merchandise, pretending to be interested in an overpriced t-shirt I had already looked at thirty minutes ago. After a few moments I glanced up again, curious. He was still looking. I met his gaze for a second then looked down again. My face had to be completely red; I wasn’t really aware that I existed outside my close-knit group of friends—much like Bella, I’m unbearably shy. (Seriously, you outgoing types don’t know how well you have it!) I looked up a third time, and he was still trying to meet my gaze. Then, feeling like a complete idiot, I turned away to look at another shelf of merchandise. So why didn’t I talk to him, or even look at him, again? Oh, right. Because I suck.

But then it was time for the costume contest. Putting all social awkwardness temporarily out of my mind, I whipped out my camera and began to film. Very few contestants were actually in costume; most just happened to look somewhat like certain characters. Only two groups, I thought, really had a shot at winning—three little girls dressed in vampire baseball uniforms, and a group of teens dressed as Victoria, Bella, and the Cullens at the prom. The latter deserved the most to win; they had obviously put a lot of effort into their costumes (Bella even had a cast on her leg!), and almost everyone in the crowd seemed to agree. Surprisingly, though, the judges chose the baseball girls, who won a Twilight soundtrack and Catherine Hardwick’s Director’s Notebook.

The activities were over now, and the announcement came that the café was about to close, so I hurried over and got in line for a cappuccino. I got there just in time; I was the last customer they were going to serve before closing. Rae had already gotten a cup.

“We did it!” cheered the girls behind the counter as they finished up; they had obviously been working hard all night. I joined them in a group hug and headed for the front of the store.

Now people were beginning to line up for the release. I pulled my ticket out of my purse; it was yellow, indicating that I was in the third group to receive their DVDs. It wasn’t time for me to get in line yet, so I searched out my friends. Lori and Salem had found the books they were looking for. We all stood around the table where we got our tickets, waiting for the announcement that it was the yellows’ turn. My mom came up and took my ticket, offering to wait in line for me so we could all look around the store again.

But Salem was a bit preoccupied at the moment.

“Come on,” said Lori, dragging me away. “We can’t interfere with this.”

I looked back; Salem had found some girls to talk to! Go Salem!

Lori and I walked away, so happy for our best guy friend that we were giggling like crazy. The last few minutes of the party were fun; we shopped around for books, we chatted excitedly about the night’s events, and I got to chase right-wing Lori around the store while reading aloud from a global warming book (We like to poke fun at each other because we’re total opposites politically). My mom was at the front of the line when I met up with her.

“Are you gonna stay up and watch your movie when you get home?” asked the cashier.

“Depends on how well this coffee works,” I replied. It was after midnight by now.

We met up with Salem’s mom at the front of the store. She had given her ticket to someone else, deciding not to buy a movie after all. Rae was there, too, but Lori and Salem were not.

I knew exactly where they were; Salem was still where I left him, talking to the same girls while Lori was waiting for him a few feet away, keeping silent so as not to interfere. I wasn’t about to bother him, either, but he saw me there, and he didn’t seem to mind at all.

“…And this is Cassandra!” he said. They had already met Lori, apparently.

“Hi!” I said, smiling. They were really nice girls, and I ended up taking a picture of them and Salem together with one of their cameras. We were all pretty much beaming at this point. And as we made our way to the exit, he told us they were going to friend each other on Facebook!

The teens dressed up as Victoria, Bella, and the Cullens were leaving at the same time that we were, and we got our picture taken with them before we left. They were super nice about it, too. We talked to them for a minute, and then we left the store.

On the way home I began to reflect on everything that had happened at the party, and I thought of the stunt double. I must have seemed horribly rude, and I wished I had at least said hello…but for the moment it was impossible to dwell on that; Salem was ecstatic about his new friends, and we were all just as thrilled for him. I think we were all glad we came; it was an exciting night, and very, very fun.

The chatter in the car died down after a while as everyone grew sleepy. As for me, the coffee had worked well, and I was wide awake. As I stared out the window, I made a silent oath to myself: that when the Half-Blood Prince release party comes around, I would abandon all shyness and enjoy it to the fullest.

I Need a Hug....

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 09:48:00 -0500

Post by Voldemort

Oh, I just had to blog right away...I feel like crying. Professor Cassandra just told me...I'm adopted. ADOPTED! I mean, after all these...er...thirteen months, I find out she's not my real author! Apparently my real author's name is J.K. Rowling, and she lives somewhere in the UK. Cassandra was pretty nice about it, though.... She made me cookies and hot chocolate, and she didn't even put any poison in it, and um...then she sat me down and told me rather gently about fanfiction. She did point and laugh at me quite a bit, but of course that was inevitable. So, anyways, I'm pretty choked up now...I'm gonna go.

Yours truly,

The Adopted Lord Voldemort

Am I That Repulsive...?

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 09:41:00 -0500

Post by Snape

...I have yet to receive any responses to my previous request for a friend. I thought that maybe I was a bit...over-the-top on some of my comments, so I would like to add that I also enjoy red licorice...I just very much prefer the black. I would also like to fill you in on my personal musical tastes...I have none. Yeah, that comment about Back in Black? I just said it so you'd like me. Furthermore, I would like to add that life is meaningless and brings only disappointment and misery. And again, that friend request is still open, so I'll keep checking...a lot.

Kind of sincerely,

Severus Snape

Let's talk about Lord Voldemort...

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 19:55:00 -0500

Post by Bellatrix

OK, so I was spying on Lord Voldemort today (Don't give me that look! He happens to be a real hunksicle!), and I started to think...I've learned a lot of interesting stuff about him in all the years I've been stalking him. I mean really. Here are a few of his personal preferences (well, I guess they're not completely personal anymore):

Favorite book: Twilight (he's on Team Edward.)

Favorite author: Professor Cassandra (for fear of being killed, I think.)

Favorite singer: Carrie Underwood (I think there's a bit of an unhealthy obsession going on here....)

Favorite song: Before He Cheats (he can really get into this one.)

Favorite movie: Twilight. (OMG he FREAKED OUT in the movie theater! The teenage girls were telling him to be quiet!)

Favorite actor: Ralph Fiennes (according to Voldypoo, he should have played Edward Cullen...and every other movie character ever created.)

Favorite Death Eater: Well, I have no proof of this just yet...but I know it's me. It has to be. IT JUST HAS TO!!!!

Favorite video game: Animal Crossing (he thinks the little raccoon is adorable.)

Boxers or briefs: Hehehehehehehe....I'm keeping that to myself. ^^

Favorite cereal: Trix (my name has "trix" in it! Further proof that he loves me!)

Worst husband in the world: Rodolphus (OK, so that has nothing to do with Voldemort...but it's true!)

Biggest fear: Death...and clowns (yeah, his boggart is himself being stabbed by Ronald McDonald.)

Favorite drink: Chocolate milk...with a bendy straw (if you dare provide him with a boring, non-bendy straw...well, you might as well kiss your butt goodbye.)

Favorite TV show: Oprah

...Wow, I could go on for hours. I'd better stop now...but I'll post again soon!

With hate,

Bellatrix Black-Lestrange, of the Most Noble House of Black (a.k.a. the future Mrs. Voldemort)

Happy Inauguration Day!

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:05:00 -0500

Today is the beginning of a new era of change, and the end of an error. Congratulations President Barack Obama! *sings* Na na na na...na na na na...hey hey hey...Goodbye! (Former President Bush...lol it's just so fun to say!)

HOW DARE THEY???

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:47:00 -0500

Post by Voldemort

I got my feelings hurt today. Rather badly. You see, I was watching my dark television the other day, and I saw this ad for American Idol (which was a bit odd, considering I was in London at the time). Anyway, the ad said, "Come and try out if you wanna be a pop star!" And I thought, "I wanna be a pop star!" So I went down to audition, and I was so sure I'd nailed it.... I mean, my song choice totally rocked (can't go wrong withBefore He Cheats!), and I even sang it as loudly as possible to ensure my success. Well, guess what, folks?

THEY HATED ME!!!!

You heard correctly! Even the drunk chick hated me, and she loves everyone! I thought Simon, at least, would like me, since we have so much in common.... I mean, we're both from England, we're both jerks, and we totally love ourselves.... He said I was the worst he'd ever heard! EVER! And Randy didn't dig me at all, yo!

But you know what? I don't even [censored]ing CARE, what those [censored]ers have to say! Because I can [censored]ing SING, okay??? THEY DON'T KNOW TALENT WHEN THEY SEE IT! I'M OUT!

Yours truly,

The Dark and P.O.'d Lord Voldemort

Hello, Voldypoo!

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:40:00 -0500

Post by Bellatrix

OK, before we get started here, let me just make one thing clear: I. Am. A. Pureblood. I don't buy into all that "peace, love, and equality" crap, and I believe all Mudbloods to be the filthiest scum of the earth. That being said, I do acknowledge that I am currently using an inferior technological device (which Professor Cassandra refers to as a "computer") developed by the aforementioned Mudblood scum. I am doing this for one reason, and one reason only: because blogs are cool, and everyone else has one. OK, so that's settled.

Now let me introduce myself. My name's Bellatrix, and I am a loyal servant of the most powerful and attractive Dark Lord Voldemort. He loves no one...except for me. He adores me. I know he does. LOOK, SHUT UP, OK? HE IS DEFINITELY IN LOVE WITH ME! WE'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! ...Ahem...please excuse me, I have these random mood swings every now and then.... So, anyways...more about me. Let's see...um, I have a husband named Rodolphus. He sucks. I also have a sister.... One sister. Only one, no matter what anyone else tells you. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO ANDROMEDA TONKS IS, OK, SO STOP PATRONIZING ME!!! ...Oh wow, two outbursts in one sitting. That's gotta be a record. Well, that's probably enough about me for now...I've gotta go spy on Voldypoo. See ya next time!

With hate,

Bellatrix Black-Lestrange, of the Most Noble House of Black (a.k.a. the future Mrs. Voldemort)

Why?

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:16:00 -0500

Post by Snape

I can't believe I'm doing this. If it wern't for the Dark Lord's insistence, I would not be doing this. Oh well, here goes.

I'm Severus Snape; I teach Potions at...uh...a very renowed school. I enjoy making snide remarks, punishing those below my station, and long walks in the forest at night...hunting werewolves. My favorite color is black; my favorite song is Back In Black; my favorite sweet is black licorice; my favorite spider is the black widow; my favorite type of booze, which I could really use some of right now, is Johnny Walker Black. I don't like cuddling, and I certainly don't like any of that touchy-feely crap! What I do like is wallowing in my deep, dark, miserable pit of hopeless dispair. Will you be my friend?

Not so sincerely, Professor Severus Snape

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:58:00 -0500

Post by Lord Voldemort

Greetings. I am the Dark Lord Voldemort, and this is my very first blog entry. Professor Cassandra has given me special permission to use her computer, so that I may better my social life. (Oh, stop laughing, Wormtail! Like your social life is so great...) And no worries, O Dark Author, for I shall not post anything on your personal blog that you wouldn't want your mother to read...partly due to the fact that I am more afraid of her than I am of you. So please don't kill me off!

Now, I've been told that the purpose of these "blogs," as the Muggles call them, is to record one's most personal thoughts. But quite frankly, there are no words evil enough to truly capture the innermost workings of my brilliantly sinister mind. All I can say for now is MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Well, I'm going to kill some Muggles now. Check back soon for updates, or I may just have to kill you.

Yours truly, the Dark Lord Voldemort